Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 52 years since my last confession.

These are my sins:

Three weeks ago, I was at Costco and did not buy toilet paper. I thought I had plenty.

I told my wife that Dr. Fauci recommended three shots of Jameson to ward off the Coronavirus.

I told my wife that Dr. Fauci also recommended that she sleep in the guest room in compliance with social distancing guidelines.

I inadvertently touched my face many times, including a scratch (NO PICK) or two of my nose.

I have a secret stash of hand sanitizer and antibacterial wipes.

I only washed my hands seventy-five times yesterday.

I am now ready to make a good Act of Contrition, but I have to confess that I need a little help with that.

Amen