I have often complained that our technology is killing us. Well, I got even.

When I was up in The Bronx a few weeks ago, I tried to download the New York Times Crossword puzzle app. The app was free and, since I have a subscription to the Times, I could do the puzzle on my iPad for free.

Except I couldn’t.

It seems that my iPad was so old that it could not accommodate the current version of the crossword puzzle app.

While trying to download a new app, I learned that I needed several updates for other apps on my device. I immediately set out to update them all.

Except I couldn’t.

Apparently, iPads do not last forever, or perhaps I should write they don’t stay useful forever.

I know I shouldn’t complain about an iPad that I got for Christmas in 2010, but I do have several Lionel trains that were made in the 1940s that still operate. Is it too much to ask of 21st-century technology for the same level of utility?

Well, it didn’t take me long to figure out that it was too much to ask, so I went on the Apple Store App conveniently included in the assortment of apps on my iPhone and ordered a new iPad.

It was waiting for me when I came back from The Bronx.

Upon my return to Florida, I did not immediately open the iPad box waiting for me but, instead, I went on my iMac to pay some bills, organize a spreadsheet, and do a little writing.

Except I couldn’t.

When I started up my Mac, it produced the traditional chime that sounds an awful lot like a blaring TADA!

It then went into the usual process with a glowing Apple logo and then a process bar slowly scrawling left to right. The trouble is that it never completed the opening act. Instead, I was offered several options to restart the computer with various sources of backups. I tried several times to click on an option hoping for something that looked familiar. Maybe my desktop, for instance?

Finally, I did what no man likes to do. I asked for directions.

I called the Apple Care people and was immediately greeted by what I assumed was a young woman who was eager to solve my technology issue.

I did as she advised and provided her with the serial number and model number, and she said she was ready to help me.

Except she couldn’t.

I was told that my computer (little more than an abacus) was “obsolete.” I bought it in 2010.

How obsolete, you might ask?

“We don’t even carry the parts for this computer.”

So, I returned to the Apple Store app on my phone and ordered a new computer.

You see, I really needed it.

I had no choice but to get a new computer.

Why?

I’ll tell you why.

You see, our four-year-old dishwasher was leaking, and after I paid $148 to be told that it would take another $458 to repair it, I opted to buy a new one.

I shopped online and read reviews, and then I did what any other sane man would do.

I ordered the machine that my wife told me to order.

The good news is that my wife will probably be needing a new iPhone.

“Don’t worry”, I told her, “I know where to buy them.”